Posts Tagged ‘mother’

The Motherhood Club

There is a club that I sometimes wish I never belonged to.

The Motherhood Club.

My reasons for this has nothing to do with my child.  I love my child more than life.  I have a problem with other club members, and this makes me incredibly sad.  Being a mother changes a person. I’m still who I was before I had my daughter, but my life has definitely been enlightened by her.  I have been blessed to know other wonderful mothers who will do anything for their kids and they make me want to be a better mom in a very good way.

Still, I am shocked by other moms. I was aware that there were women out in the world that were petty, mean, competitive, etc, but I guess I never really understood that there were so many. It seems like all I read and hear about are other moms criticizing and berating each other.  Why all the comparisons?  Why the passive-aggressive and aggressive competition?

I would never dare call another woman a bad mom to their face.  Well, unless they were doing their child legitimate harm.

Why are we being so mean to each other?  I mean, aren’t we all in the same boat?  We all love our children.  We all want the best for them.  We all believe they are little geniuses and that they are simply perfect. So why do we brag about them so blatantly in a way that alienates other women? Why do we look down upon other women whose kids aren’t having a good day?

I can hardly get on Babycenter (at least the community aspect) or read a lot of “mommy blogs” anymore because they make me feel inadequate if I linger too long. I start to worry about the fact that my kid isn’t talking or walking or the fact that I don’t play on the floor all day with her.  I feel guilty for breastfeeding – both because formula fed moms already assume that you feel superior to them (and I don’t) and because I feel pressure to not breastfeed.  I can’t be proud of it because of the war-like stance women take. I feel guilty because I let my kid explore on her own.  I feel guilty because I haven’t read to her Anna Karenina yet (lol, not really, but you get the idea).  I don’t drill words or the ABC’s to her every day.  I don’t take her for daily walks.  I don’t structure activities.  And on, and on, and on…

Why in the WORLD do we do this to each other as women?

Am I guilty of loving my child less because I have fed her a jar of baby food or because she has had juice already? Am I a jerk because I have made her baby food from scratch and therefore I am automatically a “superior” mother? (and on and on…)

The Motherhood Club.  Where women tear down others to make their own inadequacies diminish.

I don’t want to be a part of it.

I know that this is NOT all women.  I just wish that there weren’t so many women like this out there.  We should be allies, not enemies.

My new creed. Because I needed one.

My baby is just that… MY. BABY.

My baby is mine.  I prayed, wished, wanted her to be mine.  I held her tiny body and knew this was my destiny.  Mine.  I will be the one who makes the final decisions.  I will be the one who stays up each restless night.  I will be the one researching for hours on illnesses and products, techniques and support.  I will be the one who worries incessantly.  I will never stop loving, caring, or fighting for her well being.  I will succeed because I will make it my priority. I will not allow myself to be swayed by bullies or busybodies.  Because my baby is mine.

My baby is my baby.  I will not try to rush her, compare her, or try to fit her in a mold.  I will not despair when she is the last to accomplish something.  I will not try to make her older than she needs to be.  I will enjoy each stage of being a baby, toddler, child, and beyond.  I will not despair when I hear about someone else’s “super baby.”  I will recognize that being first is not always the best thing.  I will let her be uniquely her.  I will not allow people to push me to start or stop something early because they think it is best. Why? Because she is mine and she is my baby.

Belle, I will love you, cherish you, be your advocate, your teacher, your sheltering arms. I will be your mother.