Posts Tagged ‘anniversary’

A perfect, imperfect marriage

Welcome, October!

My favorite month. The air becomes cool and crisp and smells of autumn permeate the countryside.  Ahhh… fall leaves, pumpkins, cinnamon, sweaters (okay, maybe not sweaters yet), I could go on and on! This month, my husband and I will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary.  We’ve been through enough in 4 years to last for 10. Seriously.

We weren’t one of those couples that went through a super sweet honeymoon period.  Adjusting to each other was rough. There were many nights that I thought we might become one of those early-break up statistics.  We are both so headstrong, and I don’t exactly fit the conventional “Christian woman” mold. Poor Todd, I think he was expecting someone more sweet, docile, flexible… you know the woman I’m talking about!

Between personal struggles, living away from family, job loss, pregnancy, and now parenthood, we have been forced to rely on each other. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We have found our own agreed-upon values.  Our views on benevolence and charity have changed.  The way we argue (“discuss”) is different.

One big thing I have learned is this: There is no guarantee that your life will be the way you planned it.

I am a hard-core type A planner.  Hands down.  I am not advocating getting married on a whim.  I still think it’s important to become an adult (at least a semi-adult- because you’re rarely fully an adult when you get married due to lack of experience).  Get some education. A job. Live on your own.  Figure out who you are.  After that – don’t ever expect to be “ready” for the next step. My step-uncle did that… and he was 50 when got married.  Doesn’t have children.  In many ways, he’s “younger” than me and Todd.

But… know this: even if you “do it all right,” that’s not a guarantee of success.  I was living on my own, a college graduate with a good job.  Now I am in a perpetual limbo, a stay-at-home mom with a baby.

Would I do it again? Definitely.

Because: I have watched my husband grow into a strong, hard working, faithful man… and that is sexy.  My husband is willing to do whatever it takes to support us, even if that was shoveling poo (not that he’s done that!) or working with chicken (which he has).  He has taken jobs not in his degree field (he’s a minister working for Target) and supported me (as I’ve been a minister).  He loves to come home after working hard on his feet for 8 hours and love on our girl.  He stays up late to give me extra sleep or let me go out (girls night!) and gives me evenings off.  He’s trying to give me my dream– to stay at home while our child is young and raise her.

Was this on the surface when we married 4 years ago, fresh out of school? No. I wouldn’t have known this was here if I had waited until everything was perfect. Marriage is part planning, part instinct.  I knew that Todd wasn’t displaying everything I knew I wanted in a spouse, but I knew that he would display it when the time was right.

I don’t know – was your relationship the same way?