I am a bus driver.

*alternately titled: The post where I reference a 15+ year old Christian song, highlighting both my age and my failure to evolve with some types of music.

Back in the mid 90’s, Caedmon’s Call was an independent band making it onto the “Christian” market.  One of their most popular beginning songs was a track titled “Bus Driver,” sounding like a fun, slightly goofy song to new believers like me (and it didn’t help that I was in junior high).  As I became older, I began to understand the words of the song better. It was about a day in the life of a bus driver, spending his days speculating about the importance of the riders on his route and thinking about his own path. (Very broad explanation, I know.)  Below are the lyrics:

I am a bus driver
and it’s four in the morning
And I’m pressing out my clothes beside my bed
Fourteen years been on the job and with many miles behind
Still I’m up at three thirty to make sure I’m there on time

My car gets me along just fine to and from the station
But my castle is this Houston Metro Bus
My first stop is Ashbury.
And the sign’s been gone for years
but all the same the people wait cause they know that I’ll be there.

What would you say if I told you that I won’t be by today?
Would you say that I’m just a bus driver
and what do I know,
just a bus driver
and what do I know,
just a bus driver
and what do I know?

Well, I’m always there by five fifteen
and lately I’ve been early
’cause Judith likes to be in early to the bank.
And she gives me conversation and a token good for riding.
And she’s happy all alone

And then there’s Charles in retail sales;
and I hope they pay him well
for the work that young man does
Cause I’ve never seen the inside
of a custom refrigerator
but I know he’s the first and last one there

I wonder what they do all day,
and their respective works.
Suppose they give money and take money away.
Still, I’m just orbiting this town
with the post office my sun.
And I’m circling again.

And I wonder how this world would be
if I was never here to drive this bus around from Ashbury to Main.
Suppose this town would be the same
but with one bus’ less exhaust.
But that bank and retail stores,
they just wouldn’t be the same.

But what can I see from the limited confines of my bus driving seat
Only me

Today, I thought about that song.  My heart is constantly pulled in two different directions.  Am I alone? I don’t know.  I want a simple, loving life in my home.  I don’t want all the self-importance and accolades that lead to pride.  When I operate in the quiet, I feel a peace that I know is right.  On the other hand, I want those things I try to avoid.  I want to be known and popular, well-loved and followed.  I see people who are doing it and I feel simultaneous disgust and envy.

I’m just a bus driver, in theory.  I am a wife and mother that spends my days doing the exact same thing: wake, feed, clean, wake, feed, clean, etc.  I write on a couple little blogs that a few people read.  I socialize on the computer with my friends.  My importance is limited to a few people.  There are many who would not consider me twice.  I understand that.

I am not pouting over my existence.  I know God loves me. I know that I ultimately want to take care of “the least of these” and I am trying to be a better person, day by day. Still, I sometimes get the twinge and ache of wanting to be something more.  I suspect it’s pride.  I’m not sure.

I wish I could just keep my head down and be content with what I have, because ultimately, I am content.  Maybe I should remove those that give me those twinges from my mind, but I think that learning to overcome them instead of removing them will build character.

I’m just a bus driver, what do I know?

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6 responses to this post.

  1. First, I share your affinity for old school Caedmon’s music. Second, my favorite part of that song is not printed in the lyrics. As you probably know, the song ends by repeating the “I’m just a bus driver” line several times, but inserts the parenthetical remark “now don’t beleive that,” afterwards.

    That’s the punchline to me.

    If you are a fan of there newer stuff, you may be familar with the lyrics of the song “Sacred,” off of their 2007 release. If not, you can read it here: http://caedmonscall.net/song-vault/overdressed/expectations/

    I pray that affirmation encourages you in the place you currently find yourself in. You’re not JUST anything!

    Blessings to you.

    Reply

  2. 1. When I read your blog title I was really hoping it was about that song. 🙂
    2. I love Caedmon’s so much that I named my blog after one of their songs.
    3. Great post.
    4. And Sacred is my favorite song on Overdressed. And it means way more to me these days than it did when it came out and I was childless and working full time.
    5. They have a new cd out. I will be purchasing it in the very near future.
    6. I still think my fav album of theirs is and will always be Share the Well.
    7. This is very random.

    Reply

  3. First of all, if you’re a Christian and in your mid to late twenties, and you don’t love Caedmon’s Call, it turns out you’re not a Christian. Or at least, not a very good one.

    I like that he says the bank and retail store wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t around, because he’s the one delivering those people to their jobs. Without him, they wouldn’t get there. It seems like a small role to play, but he’s got to play it well for the people who are counting on him. We’ve all got people counting on us, whether it’s one or a hundred. We’ve just got to play our parts well, right? Right.

    Reply

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