making the transition to not-so-nice adult.

When I was a kid – I was a really good one.

Seriously.  I’m not joking. 

Sure, I had my typical sass-back kid moments with my parents… I had a rough childhood!  There was definitely some diamond-in-the-rough spots that I had to polish out: awkward, didn’t behave like the standard kid, shy, etc., but I was typically a really nice kid.  I didn’t talk back, followed all the rules (which often made me a teacher’s pet), and I tried SO hard to please everyone. I seriously just wanted someone to love me. *

*Not saying I wasn’t loved.  I just spent a lot of years trying to get the love I needed from my mother from other people.

I remember feeling perpetually awkward around other kids.  I wanted so badly to be like them, so I was always so nice to everyone. Even now,  I place way, way, WAY too much weight on the opinions and advice of others.

I’ve noticed recently that this is all beginning to change. 

It actually started slowly in college.  I realized that there were a lot of friends I had in high school that were really “proximity” friends and not people I had anything truly in common with.  Then I realized that there were some that I honestly didn’t like (this was actually a revelation to me). Then I started noticing that I didn’t appreciate the people who played games or showed favoritism toward others.

Slowly, this has all snowballed into a person who is slowly learning that it’s okay to NOT be nice all the time — that some people are just jerks and you have to live with it.  That all pastors are not nice – some are pretty egocentric.  That not all Christians act the way the Bible says we’re supposed to.  That some days I’m just mean. That “Holiday shopping” will almost ALWAYS mean a bunch of wild-eyed, paranoid, spastic people in the stores and too many blind senior adults driving erratically in the parking lots.  Sometimes I will smile and try to spread a little extra Holiday cheer, and sometimes I will think of ways to scare the crap out of you… just because you annoy me.

Yeah… so I’m not so nice anymore.

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