Lady of the House

Excuse me while I whine a bit.

I am beyond thankful for the graciousness and benevolence shown to our little family in this past year.  We have had a roof over our heads, food to eat, gifts to help us make it to the next paycheck, and our baby girl has been lavished with goodies. We have spent time with family, strengthened our marriage, questioned our faith, and renewed hope time and again.  But…

I am ready for this season to be over.

I want to be mistress of my own house again.  I want to sit on my own garage-sale furniture and cook from my wedding-gift pots and pans.  I want to clean my own floors with my own vacuum cleaner.  I miss our apartment in McKinney.  It smelled like cinnamon candles and cookies (most days).  It was clean and white.  It was a peaceful, lovely, homey place and I miss it.  The novelty of “roughing it” has worn off.  I’m ready to have a place that is not open-access for everyone to come traipsing in.  Today is my “day off” and I’ve had people in and out all day.  Laundry thrown willy-nilly over couches and tables; fans and appliances brought in to add to the chaos.  I’ve had requests for cartoons and advice/opinions about my child offered repeatedly.  I can’t be frustrated because I must be thankful for what we have.  This place isn’t ours anyway.

I’m just ready for McGrew family rules again.  Our decisions.  Our values.

Trust me, if we could move out, we would.  There MUST be a reason why we are here right now.  However, we’ve prayed/sought God so many times… I’m not sure how to even recognize “His will” anymore.

I really am thankful. Truly. It’s just been a year since I lost my job… and I’ve read somewhere about people spending 40 YEARS in the wilderness. 😉 I’m just holding out hope that 40 years isn’t our sentence.  I LOVE spending every moment with my girl.  That is the far greatest gift I could have.  It’s the most important job I have.

I know, I’m whining. I’ll stop now.

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