insecurity

Okay- my goal is to keep this post short, because baby girl is in the swing and it will wake her up soon and make her mad.  However, if it wasn’t swinging, it would make her mad too. Go figure. 🙂

I love my child.  I’ve wanted to be a mother my whole life.  Most girls with my past might never want to have kids, in order to keep from repeating the cycle.  I always wanted to have children for the opposite reason.  I wanted to show myself that it is possible to have a loving, caring relationship between mother and child.  I have studied on how to take care of kids; I have made raising children a priority.

Now that my child is here, everything I have done to prepare for her is now being put into motion.  Raising a child is make-or-break, and my instincts were correct — I am more in love with her than any other child.  I have all the knowledge. I have a lot of experience.  So, this should be easy, right?

ha.

I have never been so unsure or insecure in my LIFE.  I see all my other friends who have newborns and they seem to have this mommy thing down. Did they get some Mommy class that I missed?

Sometimes I handle her wrong.  She’s wiggly and my hands just don’t seem to hold her perfectly.  Sometimes I totally mess up trying to get her dressed, and she gets tons of fabric in her face for way too long.  Sometimes I get nothing done except holding her and eating a meal or two.  I get up during church with her, leave my diaper bag in the sanctuary, and she needs to eat and get a diaper change.  I don’t put her diaper on perfectly and she pees on me.  Some days she seems to cry all day, especially when we’re in the car and I can’t stop or a public place.

Does any other mom secretly feel this way?

I LOVE my girl.  I think I’m a good mom…  I hope I am the best one I can be.  But I think we women keep our insecurities secret and we talk about how much we love our new jobs (and we do) but we don’t talk about the “ickies” of being a mom.

Sometimes I accidentally squirt milk all over my daughter’s face, and sometimes I don’t catch her foot and she gets her heel in poo.

Who’s with me?

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One response to this post.

  1. The best way I can describe it is: incessisently uncertain. not sure if i spelled that right or not, but it’s a constant state of uncertainty. Sam is 10 months and with each phase there are more questions and insecurities. Depending on God is the only way to get through it. Trust that He is the perfect parent and He has the best guidance to give you.

    Reply

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