I am a sinner.

So, I am a part of a ladies’ life group Bible study.  I thoroughly enjoy being in a room of women ranging from 25 to 75.  I love seeing different perspectives and I welcome the encouragement that comes from the older women.  However, I have a small problem.  Apparently every time I open up in the class, I reveal to everyone that I am a huge sinner.  Now, this is not a surprise to me.  On my best days, I’m crap.  That’s okay.  I have grace that helps me to move ahead even in the wake of the junk I leave behind.  It just seems that when I open up with things that I believe all women (people) experience, people respond like I have revealed a truly dark and deep seated problem.

Example #1:

Study leader: “What are some reasons why people may not tell his or her opinion on a situation?”

lady #1: “Fear of offending someone else’s feelings.”

lady #2: “Well, I may not fully understand the situation, or I don’t think it’s my place to tell them that they’re in a bad situation.”

me: “Well, there are 2 reasons why I may keep quiet.  One, I think that they may need to make the decision on their own without my opinion butting in.  Also, I know that sometimes I have to check my own motives as to why I want to tell them something.  For example, I have a couple friend who are doing very well financially and are looking to buy a house.  The house they’re looking at is built from scratch and seems too good to be true.  Although I am concerned about the quality of the house (because it’s so cheap), I don’t want to simply say something because I feel like I am slighted in some way because the “good” thing isn’t happening to me.  So, I have to check my motives before I give an opinion.”

cricket.

cricket.

Then, someone invariably pulls me to the side and lets me know how I need to be content with what I have and not get too caught up in “the world.”  I understand that.  Very much so.  By revealing stories such as this, I’m being neither self-depreciating or seeking attention.  I’m simply trying to relate myself in a tangible way.  Being imperfect has become a freeing process.  My sin is great and therefore my Savior is great.  If I couldn’t link myself to sin, then my concept of sin is skewed and I remove the power of God in my life.  (This concept is not mine alone, rather, I’m remembering something Derek Webb said on his The House Show album.)

Please know that I am not bothered by the ladies who say these things.  I’m just baffled by how revealing our sin nature seems to be a shock to some as opposed to our sin being accepted.  Maybe I’m more affected by this because I’m the youngest in the group, or because I’m the only minister in there.  If that’s the case, then please, let me shock on.  I refuse to be placed on a pedestal or looked at like I’m not allowed to sin.  That removes grace from the equation.

On another note, this week I sent a message while in a very dark moment to a dear friend.  I asked her if she believed that the church makes God cry, and she sent back this response-

“And yes, I do think the church makes God cry. I also think I make God cry- a lot.”

Advertisements

2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by binua04 on March 26, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    Great insight. I stumbled upon your blog from wordpress’ main page. I think that many people deal with sin on the surface level because they have a weak understanding of the gospel. I think that our ability to be open and head-on with our own wickedness is because the gospel teaches us that our righteousness comes from Jesus, not ourselves (justification). Once justified, we are being transformed from the inside-out, through the Holy Spirit.

    People are unwilling to truly deal with their sinfulness because they haven’t been convinced of the gospel -the grace and mercy that is experienced through trusting in Jesus. Instead, we often trust in ourselves and hope that our good deeds (or even the hiding of our sins) would allow us to find favor with God. What we need to realize is that favor has already been found…we are already righteous by grace through faith. As believers, it’s now time to become less and less sinful and more and more like Jesus.

    Thanks for sharing

    Reply

  2. I love you and as a wise old man once said;

    “The 2nd Mouse Gets The Cheese”

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: