Welcome Home

I’m back. 

For the first time in my adult life, I feel good.  Really, truly good.  I sleep throughout the night.  I’m more in control of my temper and my emotions.  I no longer cry every day.  I no longer feel anxious and trapped when I have to face a new experience and meet new people.  For the first time ever, I can differentiate between truly wanting to do something and being motivated to do something out of obligation or guilt.  I’ve honestly never had that before. 

I’m still human.  I still feel human emotions, but I no longer ride the extreme emotional roller coaster I once rode.  I can approach things with logic and reason.  My ability to sympathize and empathize has also increased.  I’m not so miserable about being chunky anymore! 

In short, I’m a new person. 

I appreciate the smell of the cool morning air, and I am invigorated by the idea of exercise. Coffee is now a choice, not an obsession.  I love my husband more and more each day.  I enjoy his company.  My enthrallment has been renewed with the idea that I get to grow old with him.  I even like him! 🙂 

I no longer feel like the world would be a better place if I died.  I still don’t know if anyone would care if I did, but my life is no longer dependent on what others think.  I am here on this earth because God put me here.  He likes me just the way I am.  In fact, he created me.  He likes my size 12 hips, and my bumpy nose. He gave me the enjoyment of art and a love of crazy fun hair.  I am wonderfully made.  

What contributed to this new way of life? For me– a little thing I call Lexapro. For years, I was hesitant, afraid even, of taking a mood-altering drug.  I listened to people who insulted the idea, and I was afraid I would become like my mother.  She started her long descent into narcotics addiction with therapy and anti-depressants.  However, I know now that I have a chemical imbalance, and there is nothing wrong with taking something to help.  God gave us the ability to create medicine.  

I could write a book on how important it is to seek help and not be afraid of healing.  However, I think there’s enough books on that topic out there.  

For me, I am happy.  I am back.  The sky is bluer, the air is sweeter, and I can live again. 

Thank You.


4 responses to this post.

  1. I took Lexapro for a year or so. It did wonders. After a year, the doctor stepped me off of it, and I have been able to function fine without it. I still occasionally have some of the old issues, but I was able to learn how to handle them being on Lexapro so that now they are kept managable. And it may be that after a year or two for you, new habits, thinking, etc. are formed enough that you can step off of it, maybe not. Either way, I was glad I took it. Don’t be ashamed of it. The analogy that worked for me was that if I had a heart problem and had to take a pill ever day to keep my heart working right (or else face the very real possibility that I could have heart trouble), I would have no problem doing it then. Well if that is true for the heart, why not for your brain?


  2. Posted by Maria on August 19, 2008 at 3:12 pm

    I am so glad that there is blue in your sky. Please trust me when I say that your happiness is all that matters. You are a beautiful girl – inside and out and you are on the path to great things. Heck, I may have to get some of that wonder drug – maybe my kids would like me better!! LOL

    Love you and glad you are happy – really!!


  3. Posted by Anon on September 3, 2008 at 9:32 am

    Dear April McGrew,

    Your post “Welcome Home” was encouraging, exciting, and gave me hope for my own journey in this life, to be content, even happy and satisfied with where God has placed me, and who God has made me to be.

    Thank you.


  4. Posted by Kristi on October 21, 2008 at 1:11 am

    Hi April. I don’t think we’ve ever met, but I work with Todd. I found your site through his/your myspace.

    I don’t know your situation, but I am relieved to hear that you aren’t struggling anymore. Life is so much better when you can enjoy it! Lexapro is wonderful — I’ve been on it since January and it really, truly helps. It’s hard to step back and admit that you need help… but it’s so worth it in the long run.

    Anyway, I know this post is old and you don’t know me, but I had to throw in my two cents. 🙂



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