Coffee of Death

It is only 10:45 and already today has been a busy day.  I left my house at 8:30 to run to Market Street and Brookshires to get some donated candy for our egg hunt on the the 11th.

I decide to treat myself to my favorite overpriced coffee, so I drove to Starbucks. I could already smell the sultry goodness.  Not being able to contain myself, I fly crookedly into a nearby parking spot, taking two for my pleasure.  Surely, all the men in the shop are looking at my parking job and thinking “women.”  The idea of someone being so stereotypical… and myself for leading them in that direction… nearly made me walk back to my vehicle and correct my bad parking.  I told myself, “It’ll only be a minute,” so I left the crooked car and walked in gleefully.

Ahh, home.  I walk to the counter and nearly pass out from the divine aromas.  I begin drooling over the diet-banned baked goods and dream of blueberry muffins.  The Barista asks me what I want.

“I don’t know.  Is there any new stuff out?”

“Well, the white chocolate raspberry mocha is a good choice.”

I think to myself– blech. Pure sugar.  I tell him of my preference for “the hard stuff,” and I order a grande drip, room for cream… and a blueberry muffin.  He gives me my coffee and I proceed to the “fixing” counter.  Already, he didn’t give me enough room for any extra stuff, but I add a little half-and-half anyway and put the lid back on.

I get to my crooked car, and I realize that the Barista didn’t give me the cute little green monkey stopper for my drink. (Seriously, why don’t they just put them out so we can get them ourselves?)  I decide that I can’t leave my car so crooked any longer, so I will just drive without it. Great idea– I’ll just put my thumb over the hole when I turn so it won’t spill all over the vehicle.

DEAR GOD, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!

Let’s switch to the index finger.

BAD IDEA!! BAD IDEA!! &((*&%(!!!!

QUICK! Use the towel!

NO!! It’s ABSORBENT!! What else is in here to use? a wrapper?!

I’M BURNING!! I’M BURNING!!

… and that was the first 5 minutes of my coffee experience.  Needless to say, it went NOWHERE near my lips for at least 15 minutes.  That was the hottest coffee of my life.  I think Starbucks is mad at me for staying away from it for so long.

The moral of the story is: never let your desires overtake your common sense.  At least not where vengeful coffee is concerned.

The End.